tonight I see new veins strangling my skin in sour reprimand
special acidic blood, special lemonade that teaches me to spell
imagine you were here, your heart in my chest
imagine everything we’ve studied piled in the bed as a proper solid wall between us
more rules, more structure, more limits we can blame
pretending, acting, kissing ass until we truly fuck ourselves into success defined by lack of feeling, lack of pleasure, just pure fraud moans
oh, I understand you, dear darling simplified smile
but I have seen the sunrise,
have woken up at 4am and watched the sunrise,
the bold world waiting naked for us,
longing to be touched, or walked on, or simply recognized!
and it’s clear you’re darkening me, that’s exactly what you’re here for, the massacre of my thoughts,
ruling my mind until I think about how much I think about it, until all that’s left are the poetic beats I scream, sheet this shit!
I do not exist unless you see me, unless I am an idea in your head,
and the true world doesn’t give a shit about this opinion except to shit on it, to blacken it with matter digested through years of foul play and unhealthy diets and realizing nothing but how terrible our penmanship is when we scribble our poems in the sweat on our stomachs
I apologize thousands of years early now for what I’ll touch and break,
what I’ll crush between my fingers and lick from my lips
infinitely ready to be ground up into your acrylics, painted as a new color scheme and all the while yelling, do it! do it! I’m better off this way!
infinitely better off carved up by a woman wielding a sharp tongue than one set to pacify me with sighs
is my ability to watch so much netflix a form of meditation or anti-zen and which is preferred?
Welcome to east Berlin then
i fell asleep on the couch and dreamed that Emma Roberts was wandering around in the street saying, ‘they won’t hit me, I’m Emma fucking Roberts’
I talk to much when I’m drunk
get out of my head get out
it’s something bad but not discernible
ow I poured a drink but it looks dangerous
I imagine temptation as something simply adventurous
just let go or don’t think or maybe try to say something
I am a cannonball
your buildings collapse and I plan out the future in categories
who really remembers what it was like to hold the pencil for the first time?
"Yesterday was our 1 month anniversary. I got him a card and a beef jerky but maybe I need to get him something better."
"I think we’re over because I like Nolan now which is good for me because he’s hot."
"Dominic called me yesterday and I said I would make out with him. G2G bye."
2006 atmospheric diary
"A girl at work asked me if ‘cutting the rug’ was the same as ‘carpet munching.’"
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